Letting go of something important can be one of the most painful experiences.

We willingly hold onto things because we are afraid to feel the feelings of discomfort, change or the unknown.

I have held on to beliefs, jobs, and relationships way past their expiration dates. Long past when they felt healthy, inspiring or good for me. The reason was,  I had no skills at recognizing my true feelings, and acknowledging the truth of the reality. I always seemed to cling to the “possibility” of change in the situation or the belief that other person might change.

I assure you, the pain of trying to change or outlast a tired relationship, or job is a ticking time bomb to your psyche and thrivant well-being.

I never felt comfortable simply tossing to the wind something in which I had put so much time and investment. Instead I unconsciously wasted years of my precious energy in exchange for the comfort of avoidance.

Before I could feel okay about walking away, I had to get good at one thing in order to have the courage to make necessary and significant changes and face the scary unknown.

Clarity. I needed to get good at recognizing my honest feelings and getting clear on what I really truly wanted from my life.

Before I met my husband, I was in a relationship with a good man. He had lots of wonderful qualities, but there were aspects of our relationship that at best were co-dependant, and at worst downright dysfunctional.

I kept clinging to the “potential” of the relationship. I knew that he was capable of so much more than what he was living up to.

I had placed so much of my expectation on him, our relationship, and the way I wanted it all to unfold, that I had lost all sense of the reality of what it really was. Two people who wanted different things.

At the time, I didn’t understand that it really wasn’t any of my business what he did or didn’t do with his life situation. It wasn’t up to me to manifest his life.

I had carelessly made it my business to govern someone else and their choices, not realizing that those were not my choices to make. And worse, I avoided my own life choices to oversee his. He never asked me to do this. Moreover, he didn’t want me to fix him.

All it did was create conflict, resentment and perpetuated our co-dependency.

I would agonize over the quality of the relationship. I had lots of “if only he would ___, then I could be happy,” moments. Always a dreadful mistake to pin your happiness on the behavior of someone else.

It wasn’t until I was in a “last straw” situation that I woke up to the fact that there is only one person on the planet responsible for my life and happiness. Me.

So I dropped the rope.

I chose to cut the last frazzled bit of remaining tether, and decided to take care of my own needs.

I chose to face the fear of being alone, the discomfort of having to take full responsibility for my own reality and ya know what?

When I let go of the “victim” stance I had invested in, and so dearly loved, I was blown away by one particular feeling. Empowerment.

And I liked it.

Letting go means you soberly, clearly look at a difficult situation with the eyes of unemotional truth. And most importantly, know this: Letting go will clear the cobwebs away to reveal your vision of what you really want.

Once you know what you want, you can take the baby steps you need to support those wants.

No one is saying it is easy. But staying in a destructive soul destroying situation of any kind without a lifeboat, or the light of a clear vision at the end of a tunnel, is choosing to stay willingly blind. Avoiding the reality will be more painful in the end.

And, are you willing to sell your one precious life so desperately short? I hope not, because you have so much more to offer and share.

When I chose to face the truth of the relationship, and ultimately kiss it goodbye, I made room for exactly what I wanted. Me, thriving, loving my life fully, and sharing that vibrance with people.

Amazing how that works.