At some point in everyone’s life, someone will hurt you.
They might not mean to, but they will. Most likely it will be something they said or did unconsciously. There will also be times in which someone, for whatever reason tries to hurt you on purpose. Because they are hurting.
Whatever the circumstances, you may wish you could forgive them, but you won’t know how.
The most important thing to know about real and true forgiveness, is that it is for you and you alone. Not for the one who hurt you.
Though it may benefit the person who hurt you, and probably will, which is a lovely side effect of forgiveness, but the person who stand to benefit the most is you.
Forgiveness can be a brutal process and if you decide to take it on, you should know that it requires stamina, bravery and honesty.
Something that may shock you, you don’t actually have to seek to forgive. You can own your hurt and your feelings and just let them be and accept that they are there, and let time do it’s thing.
But if you ignore a feeling of deep hurt, then in the long term it will take a toll.
Blowing off something that hurts you could potentially fester and worsen because you become identified with the victim story you tell, and let it define you. And that will kill you.
If you want to really and truly get to the other side of the feeling of forgiveness here is what you need to know.
♥ Forgiveness is for warriors. You earn it like a badge of courage.
♥ Forgiveness is about peeling back layers of mental material to get to the truth of the hurt. There can be lots of refuse hiding the real issue.
♥ Forgiveness entails lots of self-love, investigation and really awesome boundaries.
♥ Forgiveness isn’t about problem solving. It is about investigating your feelings.
♥ Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to have them in your life. There are those who are our teachers. That is their role.
♥ Forgiveness is a position of power and strength. You learn who you are and what is true for you.
♥ Forgiveness isn’t forced. It happens organically when you are brave enough to recognize and allow your feelings to be.
♥ Forgiveness doesn’t change anyone except you. So don’t expect and medal from the person whom you are forgiving. Don’t make it about them and some outcome you hope to have. You do you.
There are people right now, at this moment who are trying to forgive you for something you have no idea that you did.
And PS… acceptance doesn’t mean agreeing with a situation of behavior or condoning it. It means seeing it for what it is, eyes wide open, so you can make your life choices.
Is there someone you need to forgive?
Remember, this is about you and your feelings. Not about them.
Some things to try:
♥ Sitting quietly, think about the hurt that you are feeling.
♥ Begin to identify body sensations associated with that hurt. Tight shoulders, stiff neck, fluttery stomach. Etc.
♥ Ask yourself if you can allow that feeling to be there.
♥ Ask yourself if you can accept the feeling? You don’t have to like it, but can you accept that it exists.
♥ Can you identify a feeling that is being masked by the story you tell yourself around that hurt?
♥ Is there room for any kind of softening around the feeling? Can you see the person as a vulnerable toddler for example?
♥ Can you breathe into the feeling?
If you have answered yes to any of these questions you are on your way.
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