Navigating important relationships can be a challenge. Even in the best of circumstances we all at some point get activated and go unconscious.
What do I mean by unconscious? I mean the state in which you are no longer choosing your behavior, but instead reacting from a place of emotional memory. The state in which you have entered flight, fight or freeze mode. When you are no longer in control and your emotions have you instead of you having them.
Maybe you recognize yourself in this state but chances are the cognizance of your behavior is buried in the murky shadow. But others can see it. Just as easily as you can see it in them. If Peter Pan could have seen his own shadow he wouldn’t have needed Wendy to point it out? But before you go analyzing the possible co-dependency of Peter Pan and Wendy, lets take moment to simply look at some important questions.
♥ In how many of your relationships do you feel uplifted?
♥ How safe you feel in your friendships?
♥ How safe does it feel to share your ideas and vulnerabilities?
♥ Which ones do you not feel safe in and why?
♥ How can we be loving toward friends and family in a way in which you both feel validated and loved?
♥ Why is it painful for you to not be heard?
♥ How much of your sadness in relationships come from wanting to have a measure of control over the way people see us?
♥ Is that a fair thing to ask?
♥ What is the expectation of the relationship?
♥ Are your expectations setting you up for disappointment?
♥ Is there a measure of your expectations that you can release, let go and accept as your want, not theirs?
To allow someone to inspire you in relationship is a beautiful thing because it requires vulnerability. It requires surrender not knowing everything, and allowing, and recognizing thoughts and feelings. It requires acceptance of others and self.
Exploring difficult relationship questions can feel overwhelming, so be sure to tackle them with loving kindness toward self.
A self love and gratitude practice will help supply a healthy foundation of your relationships.
If the relationship is toxic, it may be time to make a plan for limiting the toxic exposure.
Remember, you are going for loving and reciprocal not co-dependent and controlling.
It other words, it is up to Peter to search for his own shadow. And it up to Wendy to look for hers. Then they can both share the nurturing as well as the excitement and adventure.
After all that is the stuff fantastic relationships are made of.
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