Narcissists wear many disguises.
The main goal of a narcissist is to replenish and maintain their narcissistic supply.
Let’s highlight some of the typical characteristics of a narcissist.
- They have a high sense of grandiosity, and low empathy.
- They are low insight, meaning they rarely seek growth and understanding from challenges.
- They often can only filter conversation and events in how it pertains to them It’s almost like they have a filter, or special lens that tabulates any input on how it could effect them or benefit them.
- They are masterful at passive aggressive shade. This is best recognized by the feeling of confusion about being violated. Was I? Did she really mean that? Yes. Though it is second nature to her so she usually isn’t even cognizant that she is doing it.
- They are easily offended, hurt or angered. These feelings are often disguised by disappointment. Disappointment occurs when there is a specific expectation. A narcissist relies on others to fulfill their expectations, since they take no responsibility for their own actions it stands to reason that disappointment is the dominant feeling for a narcissist.
- Limit exposure. Its not always possible to get away from a narcissist completely. Carefree encounters are highly unrealistic and loose time boundaries are the kryptonite for a narcissist.
- Draw your boundaries in indelible marker. Unfortunately the onus is on you to recognize and maintain your boundaries with vigilance. Narcissists live to transgress, in fact they can’t help it. So prepare with the expectation that you must be the shepherd of your boundaries.
- Compassion (from a distance.) It’s my experience that most narcissists are victims of childhood circumstance. They deserve our compassion, but not at the expense of our wellbeing.
- Don’t have any expectations for change. A narcissist will never change. They will never love you the way you think you need from them. Accept them completely for who they are. You don’t have to like it. You do have to acknowledge that you are the only person in the frame that has the potential to address and alter your own reactions. It sucks, but that’s the way it is.
- Allow yourself time to process after exposure. Does it sound like I’m being a little overly sensitive? Maybe I am for someone who hasn’t had a lifetime of having to navigate around the needs of a narcissist. So as an expert of how to manage my self care needs (which are always in conflict with the needs of a narcissist.) Believe me when I tell you that the best thing you can do for yourself is to plan on immediately processing the feelings that come up after the fact.
Beautiful You Inspiration Day
What could be a more perfect day than spending the day with life coaches? Being a featured speaker of course.
Speaking for life coaches at the Beautiful You Coaching Academy Inspiration Day was a dream come true. Even though I had given talks in front of people before, this one was really special to me because not only do I love everything about BYCA, I love coaches because they are the most giving and loving audiences.
I’m so glad I have the photographs because I would swear that I dreamed it!
The entire day truly was inspirational. I was in an amazing company of speakers. I kicked off our day by sharing how to know which of your many passions to incorporate into your coaching business. Life coach Travis Barton reconnected us all with our core values and why they are so important to us as coaches, and heart centered branding coach Rachel Gadiel gave us everything we need to know about creating gorgeous brand alignment. I walked away bursting with inspiration!
Beautiful You Coaching Academy CEO and founder Julie Parker gave the wrap-up talk and we were all moved to tears at the reminder that now more than ever, the world needs light workers and coaches. The entire day had me bursting with gratitude.
Now that I am three years into my life coaching business, there some key things that I wish I would have known and done that would have saved me a little time and a lot heartache.
Mistake #1: Doing too much too soon.
In addition to trying to find new coaching clients, I was also trying to create content, schedule interviews, design & maintain 2 websites, and create content for my YouTube channel. I just couldn’t keep at the balls in the air.
And it felt like a failure to pull the plug on a great idea. But I wasn’t in reality for the amount of time and energy I had to pull it off.
Mistake #2: Trying to be an expert.
Mistake #3: Not knowing how much time you actually have to devote to coaching.
Mistake #4: Trying force clarity around your voice and your avatar.
I wish I could tell you that you can sit at your desk and write a perfect description of who your ideal client is, but it probably won’t be accurate. So how do you know what kind of coach you are and in what niche to point your boat? Start talking to people.
Mistake #5: Not being able to say exactly what you can do for people.
Mistake #6: Being too hard on yourself for not having it all figured out.
If coaching is your calling, you have a lifetime of learning, reading, personal growth, writing, joy, and deepening your ability to look forward too. Actually if you are a coach, you are a pioneer. Modern life coaching is an emergent field that is being shaped by your input.
Serving others on their wellness journey, and to become self actualized is a new thing. This didn’t exist for our parents, so don’t worry too much about the race. Life coaching is a nascent language that is poised to really grow and change.
Life coaches fill that gap. Both in the past and now, with the big difference being that coaching used to be focus on profession personal empowerment. Which is awesome. From there we have been able to evolve coaching fields to a wide range of focuses such as mediation, spiritual, body wellness and nutrition, creativity, career, and business.
Working with a life coach can help you find your calling and understand why the process is often frustrating and confusing.
Finding your calling has more to do with grit than passion.
I realized that it’s not something you can figure out by thinking. You can only figure it out by doing.
Stage one: The Discovery phase.
Stage two: The Development phase.
You cant get to the third stage of achievement without investing in this development stage. Sadly this stage is where most people drop out.
The Passion Myth will keep you stuck..
The passion myth
The belief that there is one perfect passion for you and when discovered, it will be effortless, make you happy every moment, and doing it won’t feel like work because you love it so much.
The truth is, meaningful things take deliberate practice, constant commitment and work.
Whenever I was ready to claim and commit to a territory, someone would inevitably ask me, if I was passionate about it, or did I love it?
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that your feeling in the moment is an indicator of the passion you feel for something. Passions come with a depth and range of emotions. The deeper you go, the wider range of thoughts and emotions you will experience.
Stage three: Deepening.
One of the key things that I discovered by developing my calling as a coach, is that my calling wasn’t clear until I started doing the work of development. You can’t reap the rewards of a beautiful marriage without first making a commitment, and then deepening that commitment over time.
Life coaching business 1 year later…
I’m a Beautiful You certified life coach.
I’m going to share with you what my life coaching business looks like a year after my training with the Beautiful You coaching academy.
After I became certified, I was much more clear on my vision, though I still struggled to fine tune my voice, its a process.
I decided to focus on building up my one on one coaching, creating a nice workflow and systematizing from contact to completion with my clients.
Focusing on strengthening my voice, and building my one on one coaching was the right decision for sure.
And something really cool happened…
Now when I say steady, I mean two or three a week. The amount of clients I have hasn’t gone up that much, but the quality and effectiveness of my coaching has. By a bunch. I am so much more confident as a coach and I charge more as a result. I know I am a good coach, I took the time to develop a relationship to my value so that when it came to to charge cash money I felt good about it.
This’ll help you understand your marketable value at a whole new level.
- Take out a sheet of paper.
- Making a list of everything you know, every degree, every course, every life lesson, every skill you have built.
- From there, unpack each one, one at a time by listing all the earned skills that went into the bigger skill.
So for example:
- camera tech
- color theory
- color correction
- and more
Some of the things I had to learn to become a life coach:
- advanced listening skills
- social media
- scheduling tech
- payment processing
- positive psychology
- depression resilience
- video making
- course building,
- online business
- thought organization
- and so much more.
The feeling of confidence comes after the action of confidence.
So you might just have to determine your prices and then feel the feelings that come up until you are comfortable.