If you would have told me a year ago that I would be hosting an online course about sex I would have thought you’d have eaten the crazy pills. But it all makes perfect sense now because I am teaming up with NY Times bestselling erotica author Eden Bradley.
It was during a kitchen table moment when we were talking about how mental sex is for most women, and how sex is one of those things that we tend to not really talk about. My life coach brain kicked in and let’s just say… I had some questions. I asked her what having a fulfilling sex life meant, and did she have one? Her insights about female sexuality and empowerment were so mind blowing and inspiring, that I knew we had to share it.
One thing that became clear as I started sharing about the course on social media, is that EVERYONE has an opinion about female sexuality. Especially women.
And guess what? There was a HUGE spectrum of our thoughts and feelings about female sexuality and our own individual sexuality. I was really surprised! And delighted.
There was an especially wide range of opinions on how female sexuality should be presented visually. Some women liked coquettish images, others found those same images insulting. Some women liked gritty images, others found them to be a bit dull.
My big takeaway? Just talking about female sexuality is empowering.
Talking with Eden was enlightening on so many levels. I had no idea there were so many different kinds of orgasm! Also, who knew toys were such a big deal? But really what fascinated me was that as women, we struggle to identify what turns us on, and how to ask for it.
Our goal with this course was to create a fun, safe and informative space for women to explore their thoughts about their own sexuality, gets some questions answered from a legit sex expert who has made understanding what turns women to an art form.
You can sign up to here to learn more about the course, and when registration starts.
How do you know which of your passions will make up your territory and which ones to incorporate in your purposeful work? In other words, Which of your talents and skills should you use to become masterful at something you care about?
This can be devastating problem for multi passionate people because we risk squandering our purpose by watering it down with too many options.
- we love to learn
- we have lots of ideas
- we love beauty
- we see inspiration everywhere
- we’re easily distracted
- often frozen with overwhelm
- we aren’t great at implementation and follow through.
We see the possibility, beauty and potential in everything.
If figuring out how all of your passion could come together to form one wonderful area of focus is your problem like it has always been mine, then I hope this video training give you a little clarity and helps you take action.
Predictions for life coaching and self help trends in 2017.
I have noticed some significant trends in previous years, and this year I decided to share my trend predictions for 2017.
Are you an Empath?
If you think you might be an Empath, I thought it might be helpful for you to have a deeper understanding of how to take care of yourself and how to have the biggest impact on others while doing so.
- We have heightened senses: Empaths navigate and process their surroundings with all their senses. We use our senses to learn about other people and the world.
- We’re Intuitive: Intuition is a skill built from learning to trust the information that you receive through your senses. And then acting appropriately based on that information.
- We need a lot of alone time. The need for alone time isn’t just us expressing our delicate and fragile sensibilities. It a necessary way of cleansing the palette of over stimulated senses so that we can exist in the world without having to crumble in a heap.
- Negativity impacts us deeply. Negativity impacts everyone deeply, but for an empath, prolonged expose to negativity without balance can create physical havoc in our emotional feeling bodies. I am living proof that unprocessed shadow material is physically damaging.
- We have a rich inner life. A balanced empath is highly imaginative, creative, and multi passionate. We love learning, and beauty, and are adventurous with our personal growth.
- We attract energy vampires. Actually we humans are all energy vampires. We need to connect and share with other people as much as we need breath. So I think of an energy vampire as someone who is stuck in the forward motion of their relationship to self. They have not learned yet that it is their responsibility to be in charge of their own emotions, therefore they look to others to regulate them. And who better to do this with than someone who can attune to them deeply and reflect back to them. We empaths are the low hanging fruit for someone who is struggling with this.
- I hid in dark closets, and under beds to get away from people because these dark and muffled spaces allowed me to regulate my heightened emotions.
- I was constantly sick to my stomach because I would feel the emotions of my adult caregivers and take them on.
- When I was around groups of other children, such as at school, I would run home and hide.
- When people would speak I would wish there was a way to turn the volume of their voices down.
- I would cry listening to music that wasn’t even sad.
- I experienced depression from a feeling of being overwhelmed by the world.
- I sought the comfort of animals, and felt peaceful attuning to them.
- I have a non negotiable need for lack of stimulation, and alone time. I need copious amounts of quiet time in order to form a functioning thought.
- I instantly feel the despair of others in my body as intense sadness, and sudden heaviness.
- Exposure to over stimulating environments such as, shopping malls, crowded places like Disneyland give me high amounts of anxiety and activate my emotions, but strangely can be very enjoyable, because of all the happy people, and oxytocin.
- Avoid places with loud noise such a concerts, and crowds.
- You get a strong unsettled feeling when someone says something that doesn’t match how they really feel. For example when you ask someone if they are mad, and they say no.
- You feel angry out of nowhere when you around someone hostile.
- You can see micro expressions on people’s faces when they feel fear, disgust, anger, or sadness.
- You can feel when someone is soulfully vacant due to extreme drug use, alcohol consumption or even severe abuse or trauma.
- You can feel when someone is ‘on tracks.’ Meaning reacting unconsciously vs. reacting from presence.
- You can feel what someone is like by walking into their living space.
- You can feel how people are being treated in hierarchical, controlled environments such as restaurants or other public places that have lots of different kinds of staff.
- You can feel when you aren’t on someone’s emotional radar.
- You can feel the shadows of what other people are hiding and don’t want you to know about them.
- You can feel people who are processing trauma.
- When someone feels joyful, you feel bubbly.
- You can understand animals and sentient being.
- You can feel what an artist went through by looking at certain creative works.
- You can feel the unfinished legacy of ancestors.
- Separate which emotions belong to you. Because we feel the feelings of others, we must have a plan, and be vigilant about determining what is your feeling, and what belongs to someone else. Your feeling body isn’t naturally calibrated to separate the physicality of your feeling from someone else’s feelings. So it’s critical that you make these distinctions consciously. For me this plan includes massive amounts of alone time and experiences in nature.
- Learn to recognize the qualities of narcissists & takers immediately. I have a post about this on my website, and As someone who is attuned to emotions, believe me when I tell you that you can not afford a relationship with a narcissist. Their brand of emotional processing is to take from others, and to put it simply and as a succinct harbinger, know in your soul you can not change them. No matter how tempting it might be to try.
- Learn to process emotion. This is critical. I spent over 25 years managing a painful condition called cyclic vomiting syndrome, that was triggered by stress related abdominal migraines. This was mainly because I absorbed and held onto the pain, anguish and emotions of others. It wasn’t until I deliberately devised a way to live my life caring for my own health first, that I became free from the physical symptoms of unprocessed emotion. My plan for processing emotion is this: Exercise, limited exposure to stressor, massive amounts of alone time, journaling, exposure to beauty and inspiration.
- Schedule processing time. Doing this one thing has changed my life. I know that even after the most benign of encounters, such as going to the grocery store, that an upregulation in the homoestasis of my emotional body will occur. So I schedule an appropriate amount of time when I get home to regulate. The amount of time needed to regulate is directly proportional to the amount of stimulation experienced. A general rule of thumb, 5-10 minutes of alone processing time for mildly upregulating activities, and 1 hour for highly activating activities. Traumatic events are different, and require different amounts of regulation based on level of trauma.
- Expose yourself to beauty. I hinted at this in my processing routine, and this is actually one of the most critical and often ignored essentials for an Empath. Exposure to beauty allows us to replenish our tanks. Nature, imagery, art, music, colors, photographs, paintings, cinema, poetry, being with animals, what ever beauty is to you, you must make time to experience it. This is not negotiable for an Empath.
Expose yourself to beauty.
For some people the holidays are a time of wonder, activity and the joy of being with loved ones. For others including myself, the holidays bring depression and are something to get through and survive.
There are depression triggers everywhere.
It’s normal to experience bittersweet wistfulness right along with moments of great joy because we know that we simply can’t hold onto them.
Holiday depression is feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that are magnified through a lens of social isolation, overwhelm, financial peril, and toxic relationships.
Cocooning through the depression.
I allow the depression to come knowing that at some point around January, the fog will lift I’ll start to feel more regulated again.
Cocooning is a term coined by trend predictor Faith Popcorn to describe a period in your life in which you consciously create a supportive and comforting environment for yourself in order to replenish and grow before a big transition or after a major occurrence.
Here is what really works for me:
- Exercise. If you have a pre-disposition to depression like I do, you know that exercise is a key element to mood management. So even if it’s going to the gym and cycling for 20 minutes on level one, it helps so much.
- Sleep. I go to bed embarrassingly early. I have zero social life during a cocooning phase. But honestly it’s what I need most, so I hardly even get on the phone during this time.
- Makeup. Ok, this is a weird one I admit, but if I take the time to put makeup on, I feel more put together and way less depressed, and the probability of me going back to bed are a lot less likely if I have a full face of makeup on. It’s a life hack that works for me.
- Escapist TV. As much as I would love to be the person who uses their cocoon time to enrich the mind and soul with deep books on worthwhile subjects, it’s just not my truth. My brain feels like mush and my concentration is horrible so I just give in and watch forensics shows and as many episodes of Fixer Upper that I can get my hands on.
- Greens. I really want to eat cookies and pasta, however white flour and sugar notably worsens my depression. So I buy a big bag of baby kale and allow myself to eat whatever I want as long as it is on a bed of greens.
- Husband. We all have at least one person who cheers us up and is there for us no matter what. For me this is my beloved husband. He is so supportive and I rely on him a lot to emotionally regulate during a cocooning. And I do the same for him, so that makes it extra nice.